Orange

Hi Jasmine Hart! I am usually sort of intimidated when it comes to reviewing the green guys' work, but I guess I'll give it a go. Whoa, there was a lot of unintended alliteration in that sentence.

Jasmine Hart wrote:Lofty, you peer down at me,
cocooned in a waxy orange skin,
the only thing that’s keeping you together.
Soon you will start rotting from the inside
and turn brown and drop down
and roll away to chase decay.

This is by far my favorite stanza of them all. It flows well and has a loose sort of rhyme, but not too helter-skelter. I am glad you introduced the metaphor in the first stanza; it makes the poem less of a guessing game.

Jasmine Hart wrote:But today, you will remain with leaves,
fickle friend/enemies,
jealous of your soft-eyed glow.
They shake with laughter, sometimes cry,
promise only your desertion
if you don’t get there first.

Fickle friend/enemies. Hmm. For some reason, this part just doesn't seem as poetic as the rest of this bit. I would tell you to try "frenemies," but that sounds even worse. How about, "fickle friends -- or enemies"?

Jasmine Hart wrote:I squeeze his hand and
press my left
hand to the wall --

I think you should replace the word "left" with "other." I mean, what do we care whether it is your left hand or not? I know description is always nice, but the word "left" didn't really add to the imagery for me.

Jasmine Hart wrote:I
am grounded and I
will be floored
if you fall.

This last part really makes the poem, as Kitty said. I might just suggest putting the initial "I" on the same line as "am grounded ..."

This was a very lovely poem, and I hope this review didn't sound in the least condescending!

Hey hun, looks like I found something all on my own :p

Lofty, you peer down at me.
You are cocooned in waxy orange skin, [I don't like the repetition of you here, it sows the poem down. I'd suggest starting this line at cocooned and then add a your before waxy.]
the only thing that’s keeping you together. [Maybe 'the only thing that keeps you from falling apart' would flow smoother and you could have a line break in there somewhere.]
Soon you will start rotting from the inside
and turn brown and drop down
and roll away to chase decay. [Love this last line, like the rhyme and there's a very nice, simple, smooth flow.]

But today, you will remain with leaves,
fickle friend/enemies, [I don't like the slash because I don't know how to read it. Should I read an or in there or should I read the two words as one? In which case frienemies might be fun to play with XD ]
jealous of your radiant glow. [Hmmm. Radiant glow feels a tad mundane. Maybe meteor glow? Fairy-light glow? Candle beam?]
They shake with laughter, sometimes cry,
promise only your desertion
if you don’t get there first. [Like these lines

I squeeze his hand and
press my left
hand to the wall- [Not sure about these three.]

I
am grounded and I
will be floored
if you fall. [Nice ending, I really like this actually, it sums it up beautifully.]

Not my favourite of yours but I love the soft, lilting feel to this and I think you've got some good stuff to work with. There's some nice lines, some great ones and it's worth working on for the tone alone. I help this helps you a little my love,

Heather xx